What to Do When You Don't Like Your Companion

Many times we don't like someone because they seem odd to us. Ezra Taft Benson and Flora Amussen Benson's favorite poet was Edgar A. Guest. Sister Benson like to quote from his book It Takes O' Heap of Living. In that book there is a poem When You Know A Fellow that is the key to coming to like your companion:

When you get to know a fellow, know his joys and know his cares,
When you've come to understand him and the burdens that he bears,
When you've learned the fight he's making and the troubles in his way,
Then you find that he is different than you thought him yesterday.
You find his faults are trivial and there's not so much to blame
In the brother that you jeered at when you only knew his name.

You are quick to see the blemish in the distant neighbor's style,
You can point to all his errors and may sneer at him the while,
And your prejudices fatten and your hates more violent grow
As you talk about the failures of the man you do not know,
But when drawn a little closer, and your hands and shoulders touch,
You find the traits you hated really don't amount to much.

When you get to know a fellow, know his every mood and whim,
You begin to find the texture of the splendid side of him;
You begin to understand him, and you cease to scoff and sneer,
For with understanding always prejudices disappear.
You begin to find his virtues and his faults you cease to tell,
For you seldom hate a fellow when you know him very well.

When next you start in sneering and your phrases turn to blame,
Know more of him you censure than his business and his name;
For it's likely that acquaintance would your prejudice dispel
And you'd really come to like him if you knew him very well.
When you get to know a fellow and you understand his ways,
Then his faults won't really matter, for you'll find a lot to praise.

From the book "A Heap o' Livin'" ©1916

As you get to know your companion better you will gain an appreciation for them. Most of the time when we don't like someone it is because we don't know them or their hearts very well.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell in Stockholm, Sweden Area Conference in 1974 gave us some insights in to overcoming negative feelings: "As we serve in the Church we must remember that the genius of the gospel includes not merely helping those who are already friends to love each other more. The gospel also helps those who might not naturally like each other to appreciate each other; those who are strangers, even enemies, can become friends.

In living together as Saints, we will surely see each other’s faults, but when we look at each other through the lens of the gospel and by the light of heaven, we also see in others attributes and qualities that we little imagined were there! The gospel does not ask us to close our eyes to any reality; rather it helps us open our eyes more widely and more appreciatively! Where others see disarray, the disciple can, with patience, see purpose. Where others feel hopelessness, the disciple does not despair, for he has “a perfect brightness of hope” (“Konferens: A Report of the Scandinavian Area General Conference Held at Stockholm, Sweden,” Ensign, [October 1974]: 77).

If after getting to know your companion better you still don't like him or her then I suggest you pray for them every morning and night. Each day try to say something positive and uplifting to them. Try holding companionship study and really seeking to hear each others suggestions. Do a kind deed each day for your companion. If you can't overcome your reservations try talking to your companion and being open and honest about your feelings. Remember George Albert Smith lived by the motto: "One is it kind. Two need it be mentioned." If you are kind and you still feel the Spirit is not in yhour companionship, try prayerfully in a companionship meeting to resolve concerns.

If after all this it still isn't working out you should then discuss your concerns with your district and zone leaders. Counsel together to come up with ways of having a harmonous relationship. Go with your companion don't do it behind his or her back.

The last resort is to let your mission president know there are some problems. It is his stewardship to decide if you should be together. If you still remain companions learn to appreciate that people have differences and strengths. Yours might be to learn to have patience. Remember that the Lord will bless us if we are faithful and obedient. Remember that usually there is a reason you are with a particular companion and that eventually you will have a different one or go home after your service is over. Endure to the end.