Monday, April 29, 2013

Tearing People Down on a Mission

I'M HALFWAY DONEEEEEE, with the MTC. And man oh man, I couldn't be more excited to get to the Czech Republic... and then I think, oh wait, I don't know Czech so I guess I can wait another 4 weeks to go!
This week has been really hard for me.
Tuesday's devotional they called us to repentence and I wasn't even really sure what I needed to repent of but I just felt so horrible afterwords that I went home and prayed forever. I am so guilty of comparing myself to other missionaries because I guess I'm just used to being pretty good at things and my how the tables have turned. I seriously needed to ask God to forgive me for looking at the other missionaries and being jealous of their wonderful talents. I just realized how terrible it is to break people down just so that you can feel better. I feel so terrible for ever having done that to anyone. It's just not worth it, because you actually get strengthened by being able to experience everyone's talents and you get to grow!
 I just started teaching a new "investigator" because we are at the part where we teach each other. And it wouldn't be so bad except that all the Czech sisters got paired up to teach one of the Slovak sisters so I am teaching a girl named Kathy... who is Catholic... by myself... in Czech and she is speaking Slovak back and then she teaches me in Slovak and I speak Czech and it is just a HOT MESS. (I hope that made sense) Just to be clear Slovak and Czech are like 90% the same, but still there are times where she might as well be speaking Chinese beacuse I don't understand her at all... That might be because she is just a way better speaker than I am... probably that is the reason. Anyways I taught Kathy about the Restoration and she basically told me that she didn't believe something like that could happen, so I just didn't know what to say, so I just handed her the Restoration pamplete, told her to read it and said that I would explain it better the next time I came. Then later that day we had 2 board displays and I just didn't understand anything that my teachers were teaching me and I felt really stupid, which is kind of hard for me. (MAN! What a smartaleck I must have been before coming here! Sorry about that!!! ) The MTC never ceases to humble me! I can't tell you how many times I have realized what I have been doing is wrong! So after that horrible horrible day, I just cried and cried and cried and had a minature panic attack because I just didn't feel like a very good missionary! And I felt like I didn't understand Czech, and that I was just a huge idiot and I was confused why I was going to the Czech Republic and learning this language, which my teachers tell me is one of the hardest languages ON THE WHOLE PLANET TO LEARN(which is not comforting by the way, it just makes it worse). I just felt like a giant, huge, fat failure. Then I just prayed for what felt like 15 minutes. And then the next day luckily was Sunday so we got to have Relief Society and a Devotional and I was also praying for comfort. I can't tell you how many answers I recieved yesterday. Elder Allen, a general authority who is the managing director of the MTC told us that if we have felt inadequate, it doesn't mean that we are horrible people, it just means that we are becoming missionaries. Then he reassured me that I am here for a reason, and I'm learning to speak Czech for a reason. It just made me feel soooooo much better!!!!
Then my companion was really sick yesterday and I didn't know what to do and we had to go back to our room early and missed the movie and I was just so nervous for her, but she is doing a lot better now and everything is good.
Anywhoooooo this week, not my best. But I learned a lot. And I have grown and that's worth the hard times. Also sorry if this e-mail sounds like I'm complaining because I promise that's not what I am trying to do!!!! 
TELL ME HOW EVERYONE IS DOING!!! I feel like I haven't heard from any of you in a really long time. HOW IS THE SUMMER GOING? Has Michael graduated yet? I want to see pictures!!!! I miss you all!!!!!!!!
s lasku
Sestra Bruno

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